Family Hiearchy

Conversing with others as I usually do on a wide variety of subjects to hear interesting point of views on different subjects, I somehow got on the topic of family.  I began to inform how the family is meant to be structured.  After stating the spouse is to be second in order of structure, I didn't get my point across in time before a conflicting opinion based on the notion of not putting anyone before the parent's child was introduced.  I began to ponder on this notion and how it relates to Western society marriages and relationships.  Could this misunderstanding be one reason why marriages fail?  One reason as we know is the mis-managing of money, but now I'm starting to believe another is a false understanding of the Family Hierarchy.

It's funny how God is the first to be thanked when things are going good, but why is it that He is last in our day to day activities?  Better yet, why is it that He is not first in our relationships?  As it was explained when I was younger, God is always first priority then yourself.  When you get married, God is still first priority, but now your spouse is second, then yourself.  When children are introduced, God is first, your spouse is second, you are third, and the children come afterwards. Please don't get caught up with the notion of order being the same as importance. It is not and will be explained later.

Before getting married, my wife and I went through mandatory Marriage Counseling sessions.  These sessions broke down the dynamics of marriage, as it relates to the individual members of the family, and the hierarchy of roles.  The principles were explained through Scripture reading by Pastors Kenneth and Queen Gibson of Ecclesia Ministries in Jersey City, NJ.  Within the Christian household, the following is the hierarchy:
1. God
2. Parents    
     - Father    
     - Mother
3. Children

Again, these principles do not suggest order of importance, but of structure within the family.  Western society and culture is deteriorating the fabric and fundamentals of the Biblical marriage by promoting selfish behavior and thinking.  This is evident as thinking about oneself goes against the Bible's teaching of serving one another.

 

Galatians 5:13-14 NIV
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

 

1 Peter 4:10 NIV
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

 

During Biblical Days, it was customary for a servant or the host to serve the guest by washing their feet.  To humble oneself by kneeling down and washing the feet that touched the ground would still be considered one of the most self less forms of serving.  How many times have we said to our guests or have been told by a host, "The first time you visit, you are a guest."  This means, I will cater to what you need the very first time you come to my house, but any time you come back, you are on your own to get your own food, drinks, and act as if this is your house.  It sounds like a warm gesture of love, but it promotes acts of doing for oneself!  Jesus in fact washed the feet of His Disciples to show not one person is greater than the other, but that we should always be in a mind frame of helping and serving another.

 

John 13:12-17 NIV
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

 

In trying to wrap my mind around why the Family Hierarchy and why it cannot be grasped so easily, I think question is it because more than half of relationships and marriages have had some sort of infidelity?  Infidelity, whether directly or indirectly affected, would cause one to loose faith in such an important fabric in our society.  Children, seeing how innocent and dependant they are definitely need nurturing, attention, and role models.  Keeping this in mind, shouldn't their first role models (parents) indirectly show them how important their future partner is in comparison to other relationships?  Again, I stress, children are not last of importance, but in a structural format.  Children do not need the latest toys, clothing, gadgets, and other things the Jones' have to be happy.  As a parent, I am obligated to ensure my children are fed, clothed, educated, and healthy.  Being happy is directly correlated to being healthy, and as I am obligated to ensure my children are healthy, they must be happy.  Click the following link to read additional information on the links of happiness and health.  Happiness Improves Health and Lengthens Life, Review Finds 

To fully understand why the spouse comes second to God in the Family Hierarchy is to understand what happens when a child meet a prospective mate.  The child will eventually leave the comfort and security of their family and home to unite and create a union/bond with another.  I pose the following question...

 

If a parent shift their secondary focus, which should be their spouse, with whom they share a bond, similarities, and passion for each other, to their child, then what happens when the child leaves the house to start a family of their own? 

 

Genesis 2:24 NIV

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

 

Do the parents all of a sudden pick up where they left off years later?  Can they pick up where they left off years later? 
With everything there is hierarchy.  Without it there is no structure.  What structure have you been provided in relationship to your own children, if you have any?  If it is very different from the Biblical structure, how does it affect every member?

 

Arch1tekt™